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sigh
the last 56 hours have been not fabulous lol woke up face down in the running shower after an unexpected seizure then spent my entire Monday at the ER I’m slowly coming to the realization that I am going to be stuck dealing with these seizures for the rest of my life. my independence, my… Read more
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seizures back in action 🫨
hi friends & family, I had a very eventful Monday! so this morning I woke up face down in the shower w/ the bathroom flooding because I had another seizure, hooray! first and foremost, yes, I am okay! I am back home in bed with Emmy as I am typing this. but I did spend… Read more
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thoughts on therapy so far
I still don’t know how I feel about group therapy… it has it’s pros and cons, but the biggest red flags for me are 1) I suck at verbally processing things 2) interacting with strangers = scary and 3) attempting to verbally process things WITH STRANGERS??? TERRIFYING. I decided to continue with it for another… Read more
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every day I realize more and more just how screwed up my brain is lol my parents took me out to dinner last night and I completely shut down and was in panic mode the entire time because I was so overwhelmed by being in public around so many people, all of the lights and… Read more
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new therapy tomorrow
I start a new form of therapy tomorrow, an intensive outpatient program (IOP), hip hip hooray, everybody cheer! Basically I will be doing (virtual) group therapy sessions several days a week + weekly individual therapy sessions (totaling about ~12hr a week) I’ve only ever done individual therapy sessions (and definitely not on a weekly basis… Read more
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circa 1999
as part of digitizing/organizing my life, back in 2024 I started putting together a massive photo gallery for my entire family. I’ve been organizing my my mom’s & my own Google/iCloud photo library, plus I’d ripped all of the tapes from my dad’s video camera (which takes forever, oh my god) but! I finally got… Read more
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no, I’m not a druggie
to those that think I am a lazy pothead that just sits around stoned all day & marijuana ruins my life, I don’t & it doesn’t but thanks for the concern! the basic facts I know people will always assume and say things about me that aren’t true, and I usually just don’t give a… Read more
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3am thoughts and feelings
I stay awake at night remembering all of the friendships I’ve lost, trying to figure out how I fucked up all of them, where I went wrong, what I did that drove the other person away I hate that I am fucking terrified of getting even remotely close to anybody ever (just the idea of… Read more
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my college experience – freshman year
four years spent at the University of North Texas that set the trajectory for the rest of my life (jk, no matter what college I went to I think I still would have ended up doing taxes, just with a lot less green shirts) I started my freshman year in August 2015 (god, how is… Read more
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figaro update
he’s very smart and very sneaky… my bedroom door wasn’t latched all of the way so he invited himself in for the night to sit and watch us sleep (don’t tell Emmy) also can you tell I am slowly putting the pieces of my life back together, one box at a time? slowly but surely… Read more
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the origins of figaro
the story of Figaro… first let’s set the scene – ~11pm on Saturday, September 23, 2017. Denton, Texas. I had just parked my car in front of my apartment (a student living apartment complex I lived during my Junior year of college that I ended up moving out of because I had several incidents of… Read more
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emmy’s life
Emmy has been going to the office with me & my mom and she really loves sitting in the middle of the hallway where she can see down both hallways and into my office (and in front of the fan, of course) Read more
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anonymity
I plan to keep this blog semi-anonymous primarily so I can keep it public and let myself share as openly as possible – but without this blog popping up if you google my name (which thankfully some CEO in Canada has easily taken care of, good luck easily finding a trace of me that isn’t… Read more
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my current reads
all of the various (digital) books I’m currently reading (whether it takes me two days or two decades to finish each of them lol) I just like having a bunch of different options to bounce between, okay!?? I am fully taking advantage of my time off as well as my current overlapping library memberships (New… Read more
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to clarify –
I have complex post traumatic stress disorder due to many, many (still ongoing) traumatic experiences I have been living with my entire life due to never being diagnosed with ADHD and autism. I will be sharing much more detailed information later but for sake of a quick explanation, it’s like my entire life I thought… Read more
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what I’ve been up to since I’ve been home
I’ve been back in Texas for a little over a month now, so I can safely say I am getting settled in for the most part my time is divided between therapy, resting, and handling all of the various medical/life admin stuff (ie: going to a bunch of new doctors, getting my TX driver’s license,… Read more
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so what’s wrong with me?
most of my physical and mental ailments all can be traced back to one main underlying cause – I was very recently officially diagnosed with autism and ADHD. Which means I have spent the first 29 years of my life struggling (unbeknownst to everybody, including myself!) being misunderstood and unsupported (medically, mentally, emotionally, etc.). I… Read more
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meganlohmania 